What is Wrong With ..................YOU!?: What is Wrong With.... The English Language...

OMG, like here is a blog that im like totally going to like go off on. There's a sentence that's construction prevents me from doing things like sleeping at night, driving in between the lines, eating, learning and taking my meds. First here is an example of a string of words that was uttered from between someones lips in a Political Science discussion last semester...at a college:

The constitution is like you know like like a document that like lays out like the laws

As astounding as that is...there are no typos or errors contained in that sentence. There was this person (who's sex, race, name and GPA shall remain hidden, but you will draw your own conclusion) that said the dreaded word "like" an average of every-other word. So I had taken it upon myself to record what person x said and so that proves that person x said that 'sentence'. I am not an expert of language (although I do know everything about all languages), however very few events that take place in the classroom irk me as much as the person who's vocabulary consists entirely of the demon word "like". "Like" is by far the worst word in all languages, it strips the speaker of all intellectuality (that is a real word, do not question my skills), it annoys the listeners and when used in poetry it destroys the writer's credibility as a poet. I know that the demon word is often used as a result of stress, or when someone is on a rampage, but what good has the word ever actually done?

The answer, from this professional, is NONE.

The bottom line in this situation is that if you (that is the general you) use a word other than "like" in any situation you will sound infinitely, exponentially, more intelligent. To help you out… here is a list of words and phrases you may use to achieve the level of intellect that I have. (But you must always credit me when you use these terms, my lawyer is on speed dial.)

similarly

comparably

as though

as if

akin to

analogous to

correspondingly

Another colloquialism that sets me ablaze is when the phrase "don't" is improperly used. The most glaring example in modern times is the Pussy Cat Dolls (PCD) mega-hit song "Don't Cha". the lyric is:

Don't ya wish your girlfriend was hot like me.

If this were translated into actual English it should read... "[Do not you] wish [that] your girlfriend [were] hot [comparable to] me." Now I am not fool, I know as well as anyone that that does not sell. However, the song is another example of pop culture destroying America... literally tearing it apart at the seams. Similarly, the words "aks" (ask), "ain't" (isn't, is not), etc... also are tearing apart the grounds that this country was laid upon. Intellectuals wrote and drafted the Constitution, why are we defeating ourselves into a culture of failure. Yea, I understand the whole argument about dialectical linguistics and that some of what I consider pseudo-words are actual words, but do we really need to take these backwards steps and devolve? In the elegant words of the greatest American to ever live (clearly my opinion yet it is based on pure fact), Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr:

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.