My Latest Blog =now()

This is the long awaited reinstatement of my tremendous blog! It saddens me how little I have put into this stuff, and my life, however, it is now back and probably worse than ever!! (Which I immediatly proved to be true with the multiple errors, which I am currently fixing...i.e. the Britney link is fixed, a bat has been added as well as the second person after D-Wade)

Over the past year an awful, awful lot has happened, some very important events like; Anna Nicole Smith's unfortunate, untimely, unforeseen demise and the drama that's since unfurled; Britney Spears' heart-breaking break-down; Heidi moved in with Spencer!; and of course WrestleManiaXXIII™'s shenanigans... the world is in shambles. Also in the news were some stories that really should not have received any coverage, such as; Nancy Pelosi becoming the first Female Speaker of the House, whoopee!; Developments in Iraq (where on the map is Iraq exactly anyways??? lol); Those pesky Attorney's got fired; and Global Warming debates intensifying (like the temperature??? Tell that to the snow we got…in APRIL!!!). Whatever you personally think about those events…please keep it to yourself and listen to what I have to say, I know a lot more than you do. (My GPA is 1.645 with 1 being the highest you can possibly attain)

One of the most important events of this year, nay, of our lifetime, nay, for all lifetimes has occurred recently in the form of former Playboy Bunny/ Pulitzer Prize Loreate Anna Nicole Smith's, PhD., Esq., demise has shaken the country, nay, North America, nay, the Planet, nay, the entire entity of humanity to the core! This is quantifiable by the nonstop coverage of her sad history-changing death by the national and the international news. Thank ALL the gods who have ever been worshipped by anyone anywhere for the 24 hour news network and its groundbreaking coverage of this story to end all stories. If not for the 24 hour news network we would never have known that nobody knows who her baby's daddy is…. And as a professional courtesy to all who are involved (keep in mind I am in no way a professional at anything), I vow to use this Web Log as an outlet to bring forth the truth in these trying times, let me begin with a mind-blowing well thought out tactic to find who the baby's father is (free of charge)… Ask the baby! Out of the parties involved, the baby is the only witness from the event that is completely trustworthy and alive (aside from the father). Case closed, no award or rewards accepted, its just part of a day's work ma'am.

Meanwhile, in a dramatic turn of events that is more earth shattering and down right damning to white-male landowners since the abolishment of slavery, Britney Spears has gone completely batty!

I do not mean the Lorraine Bobbit type of batty, or the Ugueth Urbina kind of batty but, rather the Heaven's Gate kind of batty … She killed herself, maybe the body is still alive but (and I'm no math major) this does not equal this. And although I do not profess to be a biology major, but is it not true that all the cells replace themselves (aside from neurons) over time anyhow…clearly she is not utilizing the same neurons as when she was this and when she is practicing this (which happens to be the most disturbing picture of all time). Let me help you out Britney, again as a professional courtesy from someone who is not even close to becoming a professional, and I will give you a link to a certain Armenian Doctor that can cure you, Britney, of all your woes.

As for the third most incredible sign of the imminent Apocalypse…holy crap…Heidi what are you doing, what have you done? Spencer is the biggest load of crud since…this guy (maybe an over-exaggeration…but they both drive German luxury mobiles. Spencer's. and Adolf's). Heidi…come on, this guy is going to cheat on you again, probably a playmate and possibly getting himself killed in the act (which I hope his whole persona is…just an act) however Heidi, girlfriend, this professional has an idea for you (by the way I am not a pro.). Here's what to do Heidi… Become a playmate yourself! Then when you marry Spencer you cheat on him!!! It's a fool proof plan…at the Christmas party sleep with Dwyane Wade and at the same time (maybe even throw in some Howard K. Stern) But whatever you do Heidi, do not have any kids with these men… That is Anna Nicole's realm, you stay out of it. (Oh yea...Spencer...will you just accept my myspace friend request already...sheesh)

By the way… WrestleMania XXIII™'s main event was phenomenal, check out the details on some other site you nerd! Props to my main man Donald Trump…you are my new hero, not some soldier or officer of the law, or fireman…you are my hero. Anything for Money should be your catchphrase…except I am going to copyright it and you wont be able to use it without paying me.

The other stuff mentioned in the beginning is not important at all and we should go on ignoring it.

GO DICE-K

Love, Dan

PS if anyone needs an Xbox, some games, a PS2 and some games, then please email me.

PSS if anyone knows anything about automobile engineering, maybe with some specialization with electro-magnets, please also email me…I have an idea…

I DID IT MAH IM OKAY!