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My GTA IV Review

So GTA IV came out today and after so many hours of other people playing it, I have to say it is safely in the pantheon of greatness along with Goldeneye, Halo 2, Ocarina of Time, Knights of the Old Republic and San Andreas. I just really wished I had the money for a PS3 and the game. so please, send me money.

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That being said... my favorite part about about this game that I have heard from other people has to be the graphics. I mean, the level of detail is unparalleled, and I commend Rockstar's decision to make a smaller game with loads more detail (when comparing to San Andreas).

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My least favorite part about this game is that I bought a Wii, a cellphone, a laptop, a trip to London, and the necessities of life (including but not limited to food, g*s ( I'll give you a hint its a swear word that rhymes with "ass". I've been told by our producers that that word has to be censored now because of the anguish it brings to our millions of readers), and lil' nick-nacks here and there), over the past x amount of time instead of a PS3 and this game.

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So without further pause, here is my review of a game that I do not own, and will not at least for some time...

Graphics: 10

Game Play: 10

Re-playability: 10

Storyline: 10

Price: -460

Grade: F (not the game grade but the class grade I'd be getting if I did have this game)

Blog worthiness: 10

Baddasitty: 10

Bowling: Awkward

Addictiveness: 15

Hype: 460

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Overall Grade: I've been just getting over my San Andreas addiction, but as Don Michael Corleone once said "Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in". Thank whoever you thank that I don't have the funds to acquire this drug, because they kindly released it at finals time! Oh yea... the grade:

.......................................A++

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proof that the video game industry just might be recession-proof

The Recent NFL Game that was Played!

I thought that not posting on this blog the last few months would take the New England Football Patriots to a win in the NFL Championship game... and it did! 19-0 baby! In the words of the great Jerry Troupiano "Can You Believe It!?" All those years of football being played and a team has never gone undefeated until now! And what a game! Tom Brady the New England Quarterback was sensational; 21-24 with 3 touchdowns and 462 yards! But the remarkable thing was that his numbers were not enough to take the MVP (well co-MVP) out of the hands of Tedy Bruschi and Junior Seau. The 12 sacks between them (Seau 7, Bruschi 4) are an NFL Championship Game record and both of them taking an Eli Manning pass for a score was truely remarkable... they can both retire on top now. Lawrence Maroney's night was stellar too, 102 yards on the ground and 1 TD are enough to put his name above Ladanian Tomlinson's on the list of any kind of stat in the NFL Championship game.

The worst night of clearly belonged to Eli Manning's dismal 5-40 0 TDs 6 INT's and 2 Fumbles (all NFL Championship game worsts). But even that is debatable when the replay of all replays that will be shown forever is considered. With 12 minutes to go in the 1st quarter and the New England Football Patriots already leading 14-0, Osi Umenyiora and Michael Strahan pursued Tom Brady and then as they both tried to bring him down he slyly made 1 step forward and heaved the ball to Wes Welker (who then lateralled it to Donte Stallworth for the 80 yard TD that put the Pats up 21-0) which caused Osi and Strahan to collide, breaking both of Osi's femurs and all of Strahan's fingers and both elbows (he would stay in the game). It was truely a grousome sight.

The moment of the night had to have been when just after Eli threw his 4th pick after immense pressure by Vince Wilfork who had a questionable hit on Peyton's little brother. Wilfork was making his way off the field and Strahan sprinted all the way to him and headbutted him in the back, Vince promptly turned around and with the wrath of Jesus in his eyes, attempted to poke Strahan in the eye, but his finger slipped and got caught in Strahan's mile-wide-tooth-gap! Strahan began crying and when VY removed his finger, the 4 adjacent teeth came with it, Vince picked up the dentals, made a necklace out of them and as he put it on he recited the old black magic incantation that follows:

Gone from whence ye came

Gone to hell (New Jersey) ye go

19-0 be we

And Tiki shall be waiting

All in all, the New England Football Patriots are the greatest team of all time. But that still has not stopped 1972 Miami Football Dolphins running back Venus "the Penis" Morris from running his mouth, claiming that his team is the only undefeated! At first glance it would appear that they were indeed undefeated, but after 2 months of digging I came across a blog from February 11th, 1973 that mistakingly had the box score from the Miami Football Dolphins and New England Football Patriots of New England at 52-0 in a Miami Football Dolphins victory, but when I cross referenced it with game film, I found that the New England Football Patriots had infact been the benefactors of the 52-0 Victory! It just goes to show how powerful blogs, time and conventional wisdom can be!

The halftime show was simply perfect as well. When the Beatles took the stage with Cream, Queen, The Who and Led Zeppelin 92 million American faces melted! And each and every commercial was perfect too! The ones written by Larry David were hilarious, the ones written by Hemmingway were magical, the commercials taken over by E.B. White were great fun for the kids and the rest that were written by Ron Jeremy... well you know where I'm going with that. But my favorite commercial was the one where I won $50,000,000

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In other news Hillary, Obama, McCain, Romney and Huckabee have all dropped out of the race and Ronald Reagan looks to win by default.

The stock market was up 1000 points on the news that the economy is perfect.

The war in Iraq looks like it is coming to a glorious end and the Muslim world has not only accepted Israel as a great nation but has also offered to annex all Muslim lands to the government and people of Israel.

I will be graduating college in the coming...seconds.

I will be visiting my sister in England in March (seriously)

Global Warming has turned into Global Cooling and temperatures are now normal, and thats due to gas prices plummeting to a nickle a gallon!

Keep on Truckin Compadres!

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(PS F*ck the New York Football Midgets, stupid New York, always raining on Boston's parades, literally)

The Patriots of New England

My "Reaction to the Super Bowl" post that was never finished...


Sigh....